Tis the new journal. Here's the link:

fadetobl4ck

So what's up with me? Well lessee....

We performed our seen today in theatre. Holy crap, she LOVED it. We did really well. It was great ^___^ I think improv suits this group, because if we had had to memorize lines, me and Paul would be the only ones with them memorized.

Mr. McCoy lit methane gas bubbles on fire yesterday. It was soooo cool. Love <3

In other news...

I'm thinking of making a new journal. Transferring myself. I've had MokoMokoSama since April 2005- a little over two years. And I get bored with names easily. I feel I need a change. We'll see if it actually happens ^.~

Maybe I'm just trying to think of something that will keep me from reading my Barron's book for AP.

I'd actually kind of like to change my AIM name again.

Meh...whatever. We'll see. I think I will change away from MokoMokoSama ^^ I'll give the link.

I've decided that I can't hate Fall Out Boy. I can't even mildly dislike them. I give up. I like Fall Out Boy. I bought Infinity on High yesterday. I feel kind of odd because only like...two of my friends like them XD

|.:.|Sod

Hum hallelujah
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light

Just broke up with Bryce. He really didn't care. He was just like "okay, whatever." I knew he would be, but it stings a little. But still, it just confirms what I knew- he never cared and never meant any of it.

I'm so much better off without him, so I'm not sad I did it.

*Torie*

Thanks for the memories,
Even though they weren't so great.

So...

I handled it far better than I thought I would, at first anyway. When we got there and I sat down in the hospital room with mom and Trina and Tab and dad, I almost started crying a couple times. But (and this might sound weird) I turned it into something that I could deal with, something that I liked doing or thinking about, and what the situation correlated the most with was MCR. So instead of seeing my grandma lying, weak, in a hospital bed with bruises from her fall ringing her eyes, I saw the patient from the Black Parade, looking at the TV in his room and surrounded by the nurses (my family and I in my situation) that were with him in his final moments. And then I thought of Gerard at the beginning of the concert when he was on the stretcher on stage and him standing up and starting to sing. And I let lyrics to The End and Dead run through my mind instead of really thinking about what was in front of me. So I held it off for the beginning, and I was okay...

Until mom and dad had to leave. Then I broke down. I started crying, and when mom left, Tab took her place and cried with me. And when we left, I cried again, not so much, but more heartfelt because the idea that this could be the last time I see her alive kept running through my head. I turned to say "I love you" to her before I walked out the door and I looked her in the eye and started to open my mouth...and realized I was going to cry, and turned around, and left the room with my sisters and didn't say a word.

The nurse practitioner came in while we were all there. She asked about the fall grandma had had, and grandma told her she got it working in the garden- untrue. She asked about how grandma been eating and was told by grandma that she thought she'd been eating too much, when she really hadn't. She told the nurse that we'd been talking about books and reading before the nurse came in, and we hadn't been. Grandma introduced the family...and had no idea who I was. She called me Katrina, she called me Tabitha, and she didn't call me Victoria until she was prompted with "it starts with a V."

We are also assuming that, with grandma's history, this tumor in her brain that's causing so many problems is cancer. We don't know because we're not going to do a biopsy, but it's a logical assumption.

It was a mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting day.

I don't want to do it again.

*Torie*

Kay well here we go.

I'm leaving to go visit my grandma tomorrow because, as I said, she's getting worse. There's a mass in her brain that's growing. And because it's growing, it's shutting off functions one by one. At first it was affecting cognitive abilities. Now it's also affecting the part of her brain that makes her sleep. She wants to sleep a lot now, and when she does, she sleeps deeper and deeper. The mass will continue to grow and cut off functions. We don't know how quickly it will grow, so she might die very soon now or she might die a while from now. But we're all going to see her. Tab is flying into Greenville, mom's going to meet her, and dad, Trina, and I are going up tomorrow morning.

Strangely enough...I can't cry about it anymore. I feel tears pricking at me but...never anything more. I had to tell all my teachers where I was gonna be tomorrow. And I almost started crying when I told Mr. McCoy, because he was the first one. But then I didn't. And now all I can do is deliver a concise version of the facts when people ask what's wrong or why I won't be here tomorrow. I must sound so cold. I will cry when I see her...

In other news...

I know what I need to do.

We're not communicating, we haven't talked in months or seen each other in months. I try to make contact and put some effort into it, but I feel like I'm getting no effort from the other side. I tend to start crying when I think about the issues going on. And there's the problem with distance. Neither my parents nor his like it, and neither side's willing to compromise about it, and yet somehow it's always MY fault. I'm not gonna wait around forever for us to get it together, for both sides to put in some effort. If he wants to be with me so much and likes it like he says, then he would be trying. He disrespects a good friend of mine quite a bit, and doesn't care enough to want meet my other friends, which makes me a little upset. I really did want this to work, because it's not a void, but...I can't take it. I've talked with three out of four of my best friends and they agree with my decision. And apparently have been thinking I should have already figured it out.

I need to see him for this. I do. I won't do what I did to a certain someone else.

Decisions feel good when so much is slipping out of control.

*Torie*

Prepare for the last entry to be insignificant.

My grandma's getting much worse. She might die soon...or she might not. They don't know. They honestly don't know. She's not getting any better.

My dad told me this...and he was crying. Not obviously, and it didn't show through in his voice, but he was wiping his eyes and then wiping his hands on my jeans and his pants.

I could go see her tonight. But I don't want to. I'd just break down crying. And she might not recognize me anyway.

*Torie*

I might be in it...but are you?

I can never talk to you. I don't see you. It's gotten so that when I think about you, almost every time I do, I start to cry. Because this isn't going ANYWHERE. And I want it to, so bad. Because I like you. I do. It's not a void, it's a feeling, but the feeling HURTS. This isn't working, but I want it to. And at the same time...I'm wondering how long I can deal with this. I can't wait on this to be good for forever. We don't talk anymore. We haven't seen each other for months. We argue almost every time we DO talk. I don't care what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. That's crap. This is just hurting. I'm trying to put some effort in but I feel like you aren't. Do you want convenience? If you wanted convenience, you shouldn't have picked me. I know what I want from you, and I don't think it's outrageous. But do you want anything from me? You're not asking, or even telling, or even making contact. What happened to a few months ago, back when we went to Homecoming and before, when you were so sweet and we talked almost every day? I don't know how long I can sit here hoping this will work, hoping my parents will get over the transport deal, hoping hoping hoping. I think about what I'd like to have in my guy, and then I think about how maybe if you and I were together more I'd be closer to it.

I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I really do like you but I just don't know what's going to happen with us.

*Torie*

Soo....last night...was t3h awesome XDD

I went to the mall with Trina for a shirt intervention for her and a Hot Topic trip for me. I got a wallet chain...and supposedly it's 2 feet long or more. And my dad hates it. And my mom will probably hate it too. Oh well ^______^

So then we met Trisha and her mom at On the Border for dinner. After dinner, I was like "Hey, Trisha, help me get this stupid leather thing off my chain..." So after we pull at it for like ever...she holds up a knife. So she starts sawing at the leather. She gets halfway through and then I pull it until there's just the barest bit keeping it on. Then she takes one end and I take the other and we pull until it comes apart. I attach it to my belt, and after that my wrist starts hurting. It's like a nerve's getting pinched every time I move my hand in a certain way.

Anyway, we leave On the Border and go to the Gwinnett Arena. My sis and I park and walk up and get in line. I saw Cady in line, then we switched lines because it was UBER backed up line wise. And while in that line, we saw Devi, Karen, and Katelyn in another line. And there was a 99X guy between us, and they started relaying messages to me through him. Of course, I'm looking around like "where's the voice coming from and is it talking to me?" By the time I figured it out, he was like "You're cute! You're fantastic!"

Got inside and got in line for T-shirts and stuff. I got a white T-shirt with brown/black My Chemical Romance and three of the marching band skull guys. One's really tiny with a little drum, one it a little bigger with a big drum, and in front of the drum one is the leader skull guy. Their shadows make three crosses behind them. And then there's like a bird up by the MY in MCR. Trina got me a hoodie. It's black with brownish Black Parade uniform stripes across it and My Chemical Romance on the right part of my chest, then THE BLACK PARADE down the left arm. Sooo cooooollllll.....and so warm!

We ran into Trisha again and walked with her until we split up to go to our seats. She ended up getting a messenger bag and the tour T-shirt. And omg, they had a black and gray scarf with My Chemical Romance on it...one of the wide ones with a fringe at the end...I wanted it T_T But I had no more money XDD

So we sit down right as Muse starts playing. At one point with the strobes, it looked like the singer was beating something with an ax when he was probably just headbanging with his guitar, but the strobes were going so fast @_@ We were sitting down and two frat boy types with a girl with like....rocking out to Muse and I'm like "dang, I better be able to frikken see when MCR comes on." But they left at the intermission between Muse and MCR and didn't come back until about three songs in I think.

Trisha called me during intermission and she was actually above my head...but we were both searching the opposite side of the arena for each other until my sister started looking behind us.

But...FINALLY....MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! The stage is all dark and everything and the beeping from the beginning of The End starts up...and the lights come up and Gerard's lying on a stretcher, singing the opening lines of The End, then he gets up, throws off the white medical thing he had on, and the curtain behind him comes up and BOOM REST OF BAND! They played all of the Black Parade CD (with Mikey's sub...*sigh* since he got married on March 8 he went off to be a normal newlywed couple with his wife), with a very finale like performance of Welcome to the Black Parade. Can we say massive amounts of black and white confetti? During one of the songs, there was also these FIREBALLS popping up behind Bob and to the side of him. And I'm like "aw...poor Bob...he's always near the fire." And dude, I could FEEL the heat and I was halfway down the arena! During one of the other songs, there were these fountains of sparks going down above MCR's heads, but none of the sparks made it halfway down to the stage. Gerard stopped in the middle of Disenchanted because someone fell in the mosh pit. He walked to the edge of the stage and stood in that "at ease" military position and just looked down at the crowd for a minute before he was like "Okay, it's fun until somebody gets hurt. If someone falls down, you pick them up. I don't care how much fun you're having, I don't care what you're doing, you pick them up." And then he just picked up the song where he left off. And before Teenagers, he talked about how you should never take your own life, or hurt yourself, and that violence is never the answer. MCR does have a reputation for saving people's lives, and it makes sense to me now. They try so hard to put the right message out there to that respect.

Oh yeah....Gerard sounded like he was on helium! XDD It was funny.

Right before Disenchanted, he was like "Okay, we're gonna play two more songs for you, then the Black Parade is going to get in their black sedan...and go home. Back to Italy. My Chemical Romance is coming on after this. But personally I think their music isn't that great and they have horrible taste in clothing." And can you believe...some people left after Famous Last Words. Morons. So it goes dark again and after a few minutes, they come back, opening with Helena. They played Give'em Hell Kid, I'm Not Okay, Cemetery Drive, and You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison. And they played Heaven Help Us, one of their new singles that came out with the singles from The Black Parade. I was like "YAAAAAY!"

I didn't sit down from the moment they came on till the moment I reached the car. I screamed every lyric to every single song. And I also ended waving my hurting wrist around quite a bit. It hurt while I was doing that, but I just ignored it. So when I got of the concert, it was a constant throb and if I even moved it a little bit in any direction, it hurt like HECK.

It was over at 10:20, but I didn't get home till 11:45 @_@ Traffic.

Today, my wrist hurt even more than it did last night _ _ Owwww.......

But I had SOOOO much fun! eeeeee.....I wanna do it again!

|.:.|Sod

Did you get what you deserve?
Is this what you always want me for?

I miss you
I miss you so far
And the collision of your kiss
That made it so hard

Soo....we loaded up everything (box in a small U-haul trailer and the set in coach's van, splitting the props between us), then eventually we got moving. I was in one car with my mom and my dad was in the truck.

We got there after a long time...Devi and Yayu were there and Coach and Michael...Mrs. Austin and her daughter, Makayla. Finally we went to eat at Applebee's. Came back...Kellie and Lea and Adam were there and we all met up in Coach's suite. We rehearsed a couple times and did a dissembling hands on spontaneous.

Then bed.

Laaa....in the morning, to Columbus, yay! Opening Ceremonies...blah blah...Then our team and Coach (which was me and Adam...everyone else was working on the box on the bottom floor of the building we would be performing in) met up with the rest of our team and Michael. We finished the box, then took it back to the U-haul. After that, we went to practice Spontaneous. On our way over to where we were gonna practice, we started to do "Hi my name is Joe..." while still walking. We ended up doing moving jumping jacks XDD We did nouns to warm up (and got over 180 in two minutes), then to decide our verbal team should we happen to get a verbal problem, we did two verbal problems. The first was to say an animal and a job you could use that animal for. For example, you might say, "I can use a giraffe to knock apples out of trees." We got eight "cards," which were our fingers XD Then the second one was picking up a comb and saying something about it or improvising with it. After that I went to go wash off my pants since I sat my knee in something gray and extremely sticky. When I got back, they had decided that should we get a verbal problem, I should not be on the team. *shrug* That's fine with me, I guess, and I didn't ask why they didn't want me on a verbal team. So our verbal team: Lea, Adam, Kellie, Devi, and Yayu. Verbal-Hands on team: Me, Devi, Lea, Adam, and Kellie. Hands on team: Me, Devi, Kellie, Yayu, and Adam.

After that we went to a large, open space in front of the Spontaneous building...and made animal sounds! But we had to make them as like, say...an animal underwater, or an animal sky diving, or something. We did that pretty much until we were called to go in.

Our problem...man it could have gone so much better. We asked a question and didn't follow up on the question, and if we had we could have gotten more points. It was hands on. And when we came out, we said, "Coach, you did not give us every type of hands on."  _ _

After that...meh, we just hung out. Watched Parsons Elementary....then we all went separate directions, Lea coming with me to go get food. We got sidetracked by the cutest dog EVER. eee...I took a picture ^_^ We met back with Devi and Yayu and Devi's mom (and Adam, further up, with his parents) in line for food. The guy behind us was like "oh your shirts are awesome! come here, girls, and read their shirts." It was hilarious.

Finally we got food...Then we all had to meet at the van/trailer. We unloaded everything and brought it upstairs outside of the room we would be performing in. Then...we waited until it was our turn. Savannah Arts Academy came up to us and were like "oh, this set is awesome! we're gonna watch you guys perform" and we were like "Yeah, we really wanted to see you guys perform." Then finally we got to perform. There were barely any laughs...but then, the judges were trying very hard not to smile and laugh...so we took that as a good sign. And a lot of people in the room came up to us later and were like "That was good!"

But when we got out long term score back later in the day....It was a 104. A frikken 104. The other team got a 145 (of course, their room was rowdy and their judges were laughing and smiling with the rest. did I mention we also got rookie judges?)....but still. Gawd _ _ And we knew we had failed in Spontaneous.

So I went to Burger King to get food with mom and dad, then back for the awards ceremony. Lea and Kellie had already left, and the other team was all there. They got third place! But they don't get to get to World. Only first and second do. We didn't even get third. We're pretty sure we got fourth..cuz we KNOW we're better than Norcross.

So the results of this...The other team gets an OM state banner for placing and both teams get a banner for winning at regionals (I think there'll be just one regionals for both teams). These will be the first OM banners to be in our cafeteria since Parkview owned World in 1998.

I don't mind that we're not going to World. Sure, it would have been nice to get third...but hey. I got my life back. I'll miss it until next year. We're moving up in stair steps- maybe next year we can make it up that third stair. What happened was right, even if we don't understand our score and know there were no mistakes on out long term performance. What we got is what we wanted. What we did, and how well we did, is right by us, and that's all that matters. So I think we're all happy and fine with it.

No problems, no worries, no hard feelings. There's always next year ^^ Congrats to Central Gwinnett High for third, and congrats to Savannah Arts Academy for second and moving on to World and to Richmond Hills High for first and moving on. Congrats even to Norcross- you'll never read this and I didn't see your performance, but you guys know you did what's right by ya'll, and I'm sure you guys did well. Good luck for next year, all teams that competed against us, and good luck at World for our competitors who moved on.

|.:.|Sod

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life

Well alright then.

I'm getting kinda pissed. I feel more than a little like I'm being replaced. Every time I'm with this once person, and this other person's there too, I get abandoned for that other person. EVERY single time. Not once have I been..."chosen"....over this other person.

Did I do something to you to lose face in your estimation? Are just growing out of me? You, the person I trust with a good deal, one of those people I'd do anything for....are you abandoning me? Do you not like me anymore? If that's the case, then I perfectly understand. I am a horrible person, and if you don't like me, good, you shouldn't. I don't deserve to be liked, especially not by someone as sweet as you.

But if I'm losing your friendship, let me know. Don't leave me here wondering. Unless you want to cause me as much pain as possible. If that's your aim, fine.

I'm no stranger to a knife in the back. So go ahead, do it. This has happened before. And I ended up not regretting the loss.

So, Taylor was the only one there at the time I asked her to be there at XD She got here about 4:45, then we sat on the porch until Jen showed up. Next was Bex, who, as she had said she would be, was about 20 minutes late. Next Tiffany got here, then Bailey ^^

So Bex and Bailey sat in Bailey's car and drew my cards while the rest of us DDR-ed XDD Then they got called in so we could eat. When everyone was done with pizza and ice cream/cake and we were about to open presents, Kaira showed up! YAY! ^_^ So we waited until she ate. Then I opened thingus-es! ^_^

Angela - A fedora! eee <3 Black with green sectioned pinstriping, a purple heart, and two silver studs
Bex - $30! XD
Bailey - Her third-hand Samurai X DVD's <3 yeys (I didn't care that they were third hand of course ^_^)
Taylor - The pirates dice game! ^___^
Jen - She ordered the Wheel of Time soundtrack for meh ^____^
Tiffany - She got meh the first book of the Black Jewels Trilogy

After presents, Devi called and was like "I'm gonna eat and then I'm coming." So we ended up watching Potter Puppet Pals and How to be Emo and some more YouTube stuff and a couple of PCA's AXIS videos. And we DDR-ed. Then Devi got there about...8, I guess?

So we played a monster game of pirates dice with all eight of us! It took foreeeever. And when Kaira and Tiffany got out, Kaira dragged Tiffany into the bathroom and shut the door and we're all like "....." Kaira wanted to style her hair, and I told them no, not to mess with my stuff. But of course, in a pause in the game, I hear spraying. So I go over there and pound on the locked door, get them out, and tell Tiffany she can go upstairs and wash her hair out.

Not long after the dice game ended, Devi had to go- this was about 9 or 9:30.

The rest of us DDR-ed for a while more or talked...Bailey and Bex started a collab. Then Bailey had to go around 11:00. So after that, we conducted a tournament of pirates dice ^__^ At 12:30, Jen had to go.

After that, Tiffany and I played cards (Go Fish, of which I won every game, then War) while Taylor, Bex, and Kaira played pirates dice. Then we all played a couple games of BS. After that, Kaira and Tiffany went to bed. This was about...somewhere between 1:30 and 1:45.

Taylor, Bex, and I proceeded to play pirates dice. Eventually we started playing without even looking at our dice *asd* But that was fun XD When we finally stopped with that, we turned off the lights and played with Sawyer with the kitty laser. Finally, at almost 4:00, we decided it was time for sleep.

We woke up at about 8:15, stole all the good doughnuts since we were the early birds, then played DDR at high volumes. Finally Tiffany and Kaira woke up, about an hour after we had. They ate...there was more DDR...Kaira's mom came to pick her up...then Bex's dad....then Taylor gave Tiffany a ride home.

The rest of the day I kind of crashed-ish. Except for when I went out for just a little bit with Trina.

Sunday morning I slept till a little past 10:00 @_@ There had been a triple date planned, but Bryce couldn't go, so....*shrug*

Took the Social Studies Gateway this morning. Pretty easy.

This afternoon I had a little bit of OM before I went to the orthodontist appointment. After that, I got dragged into the JC Penny Home Store, and then went happily into Barnes & Noble. I got the whole Black Jewels Trilogy plus the other two books by Anne Bishop that are set in that world ^___^ YAAAY XD

That's pretty much it.

|.:.|Sod

So...I invited the following to my party tonight...

Devi
Angela
Bex
Bailey
Taylor
Jen
Tiffany

This is the status I now have for everyone...

Devi - Oh there's a story for this one. At first, she was gonna come and leave at around 9. Today, I was checking to see if she was going to be on time and she goes, "No...I might not come. My mom's having second thoughts. She's like 'oh, do you really want to go, shouldn't you do your homework..." I thought, oh she has the whole weekend and of course she's like, no, going to be really busy and all...And I'm like okay whatever, if she shows up she shows up if she doesn't, what-the-frikken-heck-ever.
Angela - doesn't know whether her mom is gonna let her go or not....Her mom might spontaneously decide she CAN'T go.
Bex - coming
Bailey - coming
Taylor - coming
Jen - can't spend the night and has a reason, too
Tiffany - coming

It kinda makes me mad and makes me really sad that Devi probably isn't coming. I really wanted her to...*sigh* What the heck ever.

I SHOULDN'T BE FRIKKEN DEPRESSED GOSHDANGIT!!!

*Torie*

So clever
Whatever
I'm done with these endeavors
~~~
Surround me
It's easy
To fall apart completely

So, here's my splediferous Spring Break....Day by day.

~Monday~
So, it was boring...until I managed to get together with Bailey. She picked me up and then we went and rented a couple movies: Eragon and The Prestige. We went back to her house to watch them. Eragon sucks BUTT >< So lame. They cut out half the plot! Eeergh. But at least Murtagh (sp?) was hot XD And The Prestige, was, as we all know, awesome. So I ended up home by around 9:45.

~Tuesday~
Went to OM. Nuff said.

~Wednesday~
This was the day I sat around doing nothing until Mom got home. Then I convinced her to take me shopping. I got two pairs of shoes XD Yays.

~Thursday~
Thursday was FUN! I went over to Taylor's at 9:00 in the morning and we began our DDR-fest. I passed TWO songs on Heavy! EEEE!! Not to mention playing nothing but Standard songs after I passed the first Heavy song. I was so proud of myself. I stayed for dinner, then went to Taylor's Choi Kwang Do class. I would looove love love to do something like that. Love it! Then her mom took both of us to my house and she spent the night.

~Friday~
Taylor stayed until 11 something. Then I basically did nothing until Katrina came to take me up to the Mall of GA. Bex met us there after a while and we went to her house. We hung out on the computer a little before moving on to the PS2. I started a game of Kingdom Hearts II before we moved on to Scary Movie 4. After that, even though I was kinda pushing the whole going to bed thing since I was all stuffy and ergh, we stayed up till 2:30.

~Saturday~
We woke up around 8:30 and were like "No...let's sleep some more." So Bex set her phone alarm for 9:30. But apparently it didn't go off, because next we woke up it was past 10:00. So we went downstairs and ate breakfast. I'm completely miserable by the time we leave for my house, still in our pajamas, despite a Sudafed. When they drop me off, I call Mom, take a Benadryl, and then two Ibuprofen for the ache behind my cheekbones, then conk out on the couch for almost three hours. Ate something once mom and dad got home and mom had gone to the grocery store. I didn't stay up to watch Sound of Music with Trina and Mom.

~Sunday (Today)~
Felt a lot better today. Went to the Easter service/Sunday School. Booooored....Watched 13 Going on 30 with Trina. Then played a few card games with Mom a bit later. Played Solitaire twice- the first two times EVER- and won the second time XD It's pretty much just been a boring day.

School tomorrow ><

Party this weekend! XD

|.:.|Sod

Milk it for all it's worth
Make sure you get there first
The apple of your eye
The rotten core inside
We are all prisoners
Things couldn't get much worse
I've had it up to here
You know your end is near

So, on Friday, I went over to Edity-sempai's house with Taylor, Tiffany, Kellie, Lea, and Solita (Kaira was supposed to come but couldn't) to watch the Death Note movie! We hung out eating and making a hand print each on Edity's wall before we settled down to watch the movie. Well...Solita pulls out the case, opens it...and the movie's not in there *twitch* So we watched Maury and tried to decide if these people were men or women instead. Which was hilarious. I had an awesome time.

Tis Spring Break this week! Prolly hanging out with Bailey today, then OM tomorrow...and from Wednesday on I don't really have plans. Hoping to get together with Tiffany, Taylor, and Jen for a DDR-fest, and gonna try to get together with Bex.

My b-day party is next weekend!~ And state is the weekend after. I'm sharing a room with Kellie and Lea. And Lea and I are like "dude, we're bringing our YGO cards and organizing them!" XDD Because we're weird like that.

In other news...my g-ma called me several days ago. And she was talking, complaining to me about all this jazz...and she kept going "You don't sound like yourself". Finally she was like, "Is this Lanan?" And I'm like "....No, grandma. It's Victoria." And she seemed really confused about that. Then she was like "My clock is wrong, it's saying it's seven o'clock!" and I'm like "No, grandma, it's seven" and she said "Well this clock needs to be reset!" and I'm looking at my computer clock and going, "No, grandma, it's seven o'clock."

*sigh*

|.:.|Sod

Borderline
Dead inside
I don't mind
Falling to pieces


Show me what it's like
To dream in black and white
So I can leave this world tonight
Holding on too tight
Breathe the breath of life
So I can leave this world tonight

It only hurts just once
They're only broken bones
Hide the hate inside

So in case you were wondering just how much our scores owned...

LONG TERM (raw): 162.50
STYLE (raw): 34.75
SPONTANEOUS (raw): 96.33
With NO penalties, the total calculated score is: 350
(to see why I'm saying calculated and raw, go here http://www.georgiaodyssey.org/scores4.php?year=2007&Tour=Lilburn&Prob=5 )

And to compare...
§In the Lilburn Regional Competition, no other team in any division came within 20 points of our Long Term score. The margin between us and the next leading team is 24.50 points.
§In the Lilburn Regional Competition, no other team in any division matched our Style score. The margin between us and the next leading team is 4.75 points.
§In the Lilburn Regional Competition, no other team in any division matched our Spontaneous sore. The margin between us and the next leading team is 10.33 points.

It's crazy. And Coach says...."We have a very high probability of going on to World..." *knock on wood (stupid Michael..oh well, lol). OMG....@_@ Crazy stuffs! CRAZY! .......@_____@

|.:.|Sod

No, don't
Leave me to die here
Help me survive here
Alone, don't
Surrender, surrender

So, on Friday, we all walked again. Relaxed for just a little bit, then started working...and barely stopped. And I don't know what the heck was wrong with me but I was all depressed and quiet and when I talked I was prettymuch just yelling or snapping. Michael talked to me about it once early on, and then a little bit again way later. The second time, I was working on Yayu's flip thing and he brought his iPod with him and was like "listen to this one song" then went to make the brownies (which he made with olive oil instead of vegetable oil on accident and got to be called Happy Brownies because they supposedly tasted like wine). It was "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen and I think I know why he made me listen to it, and I laughed when I heard this line "Chill out...relax..." XD Then we rehearsed in the garage several times, and after that I was prettymuch okay. Went home just after 12:00 A.M.

Woke up around 6:00 yesterday and dad took me to Coach's house and Devi was already there...Lea and Kellie got there when my dad and Michael were loading the box on the top of my dad's truck. Then we drove to school - Coach and Michael in Coach's van with the set and props and costumes, me and Devi with dad, and Kellie and Lea with Kellie's mom. We unloaded the box behind the band room in the pre-staging area (though we would be the third team performing) and Michael stood with it while we went to Opening Ceremonies. Our banner was Karen, carried by Adam and Paul (from the other team). Then the Parkview teams (both of us) left the ceremonies at about 8:30, the other team for Spontaneous and us for long-term getting ready stuff. We got changed into costumes (except me because I can't MOVE with that thing on). So I stood with the box for forever...eventually I got relieved and peered in the door with Devi to watch Wheeler H.S. perform, stayed for about half of that, then went to pull things out of Coach's van. Wheeler almost hadn't shown and there was only one other team competing (Norcross) and we were all like "please show up we don't want to move on by default" and they did of course. Norcross performed while we were in pre-staging. Finally we got to move to the staging area. Then, of course, they asked if we were ready and we responded with "SOMETHING WITTY!" and the judges said their bit as well and then...we began! I almost forgot to grab Lea's hat...and I didn't put up the curtain...and Devi didn't remember to put Velcro on the Warehouse, so it wouldn't stick, but those were the only hangups! The other team was talking to us later and we asked them if they were surprised with the box and it was mostly a yes (cept for Paul). And the other team was also like "We had no idea where Torie went! Where did you go?!" and seemed incredibly shocked that I had been in the costume the whole time. Oh, and the judges were smiling at our paperwork before we even came in. XD And the mother of the woman who helped us majorly on Spontaneous Day from last year came up to Devi afterwards and said that we did an awesome job.

We kinda just hung out till Spontaneous. Kellie and Yayu went off with their respective boyfriends and Adam went home for a while. Devi, me, Lea, Michael, and Coach went to see some of the Around the World in 8 Minutes (the other team's problem) problems. We only got to see one, from Woodward Academy Main, and THAT was SOOO CUTE! lmao "I'm a mailman, but I used to be a MALE model! Get it? Get it? DO YOU GET IT?!" Then we went to practice Spontaneous after we managed to get everyone together again. We did "Hi my name is Joe, I live in a button factory..." song...it was so funny. Lots of stares XD Then we did two Spontaneous problems before we went to our Spontaneous. We OWNED it! All I can say is that Coach prepared us very well. The team was me, Devi, Kellie, Adam, and Yayu because Lea wasn't on it that day. The judges were laughing and after we finished they were "Oh my gosh, that was good!"

Our Long Term was the second highest in the state for our problem and division (second only to Savannah Arts Academy) and we did very good on Style and Spontaneous.

After our longterm, I got four pins and shirt XD

We just hung out for a while till they started the music, then, finally, the AWARDS!

The other team got second in their problem for their problem and FINALLY Problem 5 - I'm Only Thinking Of You Division III. They called second place - Norcross. Then first place....PARKVIEW! We freaked out! WE GOT FIRST PLACE OMG! WE'RE GOING TO STATE! You should have seen how much I was shaking XD

Then I ran out to go to Caila's party...and gawd >< Here we go. Whitney and Katelyn and Karen and Devi (Devi on my team, the other three on the other team) were invited as well. Whitney and Katelyn told me that they WERE FOR SURE coming. Well, I get to Caila's, and we're eating, and Whitney calls Michelle (this other girl there) and is like "Yeah, we're all out with the OM team so we can't make it." Not only did all four of them ditch Caila, but my OM team went to celebrate a victory that WHOLE FRIKKEN TEAM earned! Operative word there being WHOLE. So I was pissed off and depressed when I got home. You'd figure they'd wait until they had EVERYONE to celebrate a TEAM VICTORY. But no I guess not. And knowing I did the right thing and made the right decision doesn't help. And I was not only pissed that they left me out, but I was pissed about what they did to Caila, too. Gawd, people, show some respect. I don't care if you didn't want to go, you don't ditch someone on their birthday and you don't celebrate a team earning.

In other news...We're reforming this team next year with the addition of David. We've claimed him. They're not taking him away next year. But..Kaira wants to be on our team again...we just don't have anymore spots. And there's no way to keep from hurting her over that no matter how we say it *sigh*

But hey...above all...

WE MADE IT TO STATE!!!

|.:.|Sod

So like...OM has been an all-consuming force for me...it's crazy. Meeting on Monday from 9:00 to...I don't remember when 6:00, maybe? Since we didn't have school that day we took advantage of it. Then Tuesday...we walked to Coach's house and met until...I don't remember when. 7, 8? Dunno. Then yesterday was, of course, a normal meeting. I stayed till 7, though Lea, Yayu, and Devi stayed till 10. Then today we walked again...and Coach like, made us go home at 6. It's been crazy crazy crazy because competition is on Saturday! @___@ We get our shirts tomorrow, and we're probably gonna stay till like 12 @_@

Ohhh my goooosh it's soooo close @_______@

In other news...I went to Hot Topic this past Saturday. I got the military style skirt (I want the arm warmers! eee...and supposedly there's a top too...haven't seen that) and seriously, everyone loves that skirt. It's crazy XD I wore it this Tuesday with a black cami and my pirate ship shirt. And since we were walking, and it was really hot, I took off the pirate ship shirt so I'm walking in my cami and skirt that's..less that a foot long, though I did have it pulled down, though after I got out of school I didn't really bother with length much. So I stayed in it at OM (until I started painting the membership sign), so I'm downstairs cutting out the sign...but first, we were listening to smile.dk and slacking for a while (me, and Lea, and Devi), so we were all standing up. And Adam walks downstairs and turns the corner to face into the room, and he sees me and pulls down his sunglasses, looks at me, and whistles XD Adam's so funny.

So yeah...that's about it...

|.:.|Sod

OMG, it's been such a long time. Yes, people, I am alive.

OM OM OM!! >< I had it Monday, Wednesday, Thursday last week then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday of this week...By the way, Chik-Fil-A milkshakes...not a good thing to drink when you're trying to build something and you haven't had that much sugar in a long time. Me and Kellie...yeah....THAT was HILARIOUS.

So yes, OM is all consuming.

Registration! And I got to see my name on three lists! XD So, Torie's classes for next year will be, in no particular order...
CORE CLASSES
Gifted AP U.S. History
Gifted Pre-AP Junior Language Arts
Honors Physics
Honors Pre-Calculus
ELECTIVES
AP Psychology
Honors French III

That's right...Torie's CP classes are at an END! I'm never going back! NEVER! I FINALLY am NOT in CP! I am an all upper level student! Even if people will still be like "Oh, you're only in Honors?" BETTER THAN CP! HAH! HAH HAH HAH!!!

Can you tell I'm excited?

I think that's all the news...yeah.

|.:.|Sod

Don't put your life in someone's hands
They're bound to steal it away
Don't hide your mistakes
'Cause they'll find you, burn you
~ "Get Out Alive" by Three Days Grace (One-X)

So...I got there before 6:00 on last Friday and got my name tag and got my stuff in cabin 7. Met some people, the rest of the cabin got there, etc...Then we went to sing with everyone...and Mr. van de Planque (yeah, I KNOW I spelled that wrong) XD Then we went to do random activities like memory, concentration, "wheel of fortune," etc. We were split into groups by country. I was Haiti (the one country with all those issues XD), and there was Martinique, France, The Ivory Coast, Senegal and maybe one more. This whole time we're speaking French, of course, and hearing only French. I made friends with one girl in my group and hung out with her when we were in our groups mainly. We got to go to bed at 11:00 that night, then woke up around 7:00 the next day.

Breakfast, then singing, then we split into groups to go do activities. This time they were like...sports, music, art, theatre, cuisine, and board games. Sports, we played three French games (oh, and Mr. Jad (which is what we called him) was prettay...^_^). Music...well that was just crazy XD. Art, we used just paper and glue to make pictures. Cuisine, we made crepes. Theatre, we did a couple of improv activities and a sketch with three other people in French with what specific things that were on slips of paper we got. I think the board games was the most fun (not to mention I got a lot of "euros" XD They gave you those through Friday and Saturday for a specific reason which I'll get to). Me and Kelley (which was the girl), another girl, and a guy named Devin played together. First we played this game that was like Yatzee, but not at all and with two pigs as the dice...I don't know. Don't even ask XD We played that a couple times. Then we played a game called Liar with one of our chef de group people (which was like BS, but without playing cards- it actually had a board and such). We played a lot of that XD That was fun. Then we played actual BS. At some point during that we had lunch then continued on with that stuff. Then more singing, then dinner, then MORE singing, then walked around with chef de group people looking for some random stuff XD After that, more singing, then it was time for the auction XD This was what the euros were for. The crazy guy who did music was doing the auction. I didn't spend any of my 170 euros (and somehow during this whole weekend Caila lost her voice), and then got 50 more from Caila's buddy Emilie who didn't want them anymore, so I had 220. After the auction, we had a choice: either a party with music and dancing or a movie (He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not). I chose the movie, with Caila, Emilie, and Kelley. And from what I saw of it...it was WEIRD. And I only saw the first maybe twenty minutes and the last ten/fifteen or so. It was really weird. I fell asleep though because I was so tired. Then after that we went to bed at around 11:45 this time.

We woke up in the morning closer to 7:30 or 8:00, and...Well, we had been eating Rock Eagle food all weekend...but that morning for breakfast, we had croissants and bread, with either Nutella (which I discovered is VERY good! I don't know what was wrong with the Nutella Mrs. Jackson gave us last year, but this one was GOOD) or jelly, and like, juice boxes XD By this time a lot of people had given up speaking French when chaperones weren't around. Then we sang again, then got to go to the Market where I spent my money (and gave some of it to Caila so she could buy something). Just before I spent it,  think I had about 250 (a chaperone gave me, Caila, and Emilie 1 bill for talking to her, then the same chef de group that played those games with me and the other three gave me two bills for letting her see a schedule). Then we got our shirts and such...then it was time to leave.

It was fun, but exhausting, because you had to think a lot to do anything- speak or listen.

In other news...I've discovered I can glomp Kellie XDDD

But I was so stressed out this week...AP applications were due yesterday, and I wrote the Psychology one on Tuesday, then there was drama in OM Wednesday and I got waaaaaayyyyy stressed and in a really bad mood, but I still worked on the US History application...Then Thursday, I finished the AP applications completely, typed and everything. Now here comes the drama.

I had been so stressed out and stuff...and Bryce was saying stuff that was just getting me angry...so I was snapping at him (on AIM). And he was just running over the same subjects over and over again and I was getting more pissed, and then Bex started acting like she was the only one with social problems when she tried to help us mediate it, but I got over that with her pretty quickly. Then she just asked me some questions, like what I wanted out of a relationship and such. And then she had to go, but then Bryce IMed me again and apologized, and I did too. And then we talked about what we could do to solve all these problems we were having. He said that he had been thinking that he said "I love you" to me too early, and that he wasn't ready for quite that much commitment, but that he did still want to be with me and has a really good time when he's with me. He also said that he thought rushing it (with the I love you) was part of our problems. And I said I had paused so long in saying it that time because I thought it had come way to early too and that it had probably made me expect more than I should be expecting where we are right now. And we ended up just saying that we needed to be careful with our words and actions- basically, how we treat each other. And we solved it for the time, and we were on the same page. And I had been really upset, but I got a lot less upset after that.

Then last night I spent the night at Bex's house. She picked me after OM and we went to eat at Stevie B's, then went home and got on the computer till about 12. She talked to Matthew on the phone for a while, and at first I was kind of angry that she was talking to him when she had me over but I got over it. It's no big deal. We watched Naruto: The Abridged Series which are hilarious! So we went to bed around 12, after we got off the comp. Then we stayed up till 1:11 talking before going to bed XD My dad picked me up the next morning at a little before 12.

Tonight I'm going to go see Suessical the Musical with Trisha and her friend XD Should be fun.

|.:.|Sod

On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life
Flashing in before  my eyes
Did I fall asleep
Is this all a dream
Wake me up
I'm living a nightmare

So I got the homecoming pictures that were actually taken at homecoming from Bryce on Saturday (and I got some chocolate..lol). And I had fun ^_^ Ghost Rider was good, but cheesy XD heehee

I drove again yesterday. I did better because it was my second time and also...I wasn't driving mom's freaking Mini @_@ And since we took dad's Infiniti to church, dad was like "no, we're gonna take this car" and I'm like "nononono @____@" But we took the truck. And I'm getting better at turning ^^

I went to Kaira's b-day party last night. It was sooo much. Oh yeah, and I got to meet her cousin, Cat (MCR FAN!). She ish t3h awesome XD Towards the end of the party I did Afronova (I think it is...) on DDR, which is like..fast, lol. And every time I do anything "cardio" (running, DDR, something like that) I start wheezing and I can't cough or sniff (even though I feel like I need to) because if I do I can't breath. And I always end up coughing anyway, and that doesn't help. So I'm sitting there coughing and wheezing and Cat and Devi and Kaira and Edity are all like "Are you sure you're okay?" and I'm like "I'm fine" in the hoarse voice I've suddenly developed. And then Kaira was like "Inhaler?" so I took it (and tried to like..claw my tongue out, lmao. It tasted horrible @_@ and apparently I coughed and a white cloud came out of my mouth) and it helped some. So I told all this to mom and dad and they're like "Well you might have some asthma." Funny thing is, this has happened and I'm come home sounding like I did at the party and they didn't say anything *asd* Oh well.

So that's about it.

|.:.|Sod

'Cause I know I'm the cursed one
I know I'm meant to die
Everyone else can watch as their dreams untie
So why can't I?